Embarassed about online dating
Embarassed about online dating - 100dating online site
Do they even know how many texts I have ignored in my inbox right now?!? I don't think those photos do justice to my dorktastic personality, and B).
Such was the embarrasing success of that we hit it off instantly, and within a week had keys to each other’s places. Generally, it was filled with pissed bankers and mustachioed Shoredites in Wu Tang caps.
We have been lying to our friends and family for the past two years, with a kind of psychopathic consistency that would do Patrick Bateman proud. This lie is roughly as mundane and cliched as the truth, which is: we met online.
And, if anyone tries to call you out - deny deny deny. The story has been fed to parents and grandparents, extended family and every single one of our friends.
So obviously I'm there to meet humans, when all of a sudden one messages me and I remember something pretty crucial: I hate humans. But on most nights, I'm liable to blow off even my best friends to watch 30 Rock reruns and eat my way through the quarter pound of sliced Jarlsberg I order from the deli every week.
And now these total strangers want me to chat them back? But I know better than to put up my foxiest pic on a dating app, because A).
Like, people who follow meet each other on Tinder and live happy lives together? I've been single (by choice, not that it's anyone's beeswax) for four years now and have had nary a complaint. Problem being, if you want to ~mingle~ living in a big city, you pretty much have one viable option: The internet. The internet is open season for murderers, drug lords, and Nickelback listeners, and all of them have just as much access to OKCupid as I do. It makes me want to want to Google things like "citizen's arrest" every time I see yet another ex-frat guy posing with a freaking tiger. FEEL MORE SORRY FOR ME THAN YOU ALREADY DO.) So it's been approximately eight hundred years since the last time I even put myself in a flirt-worthy situation, let alone actually gone on a date with someone. I get excited when an app so much as asks me what my birthday is.
But at some point did society just decide it was unfeminist of me to say that I'm lonely, and I want someone to make grilled cheese with me and charitably laugh at my bad jokes? But this is the 2015 we live in, so here I go, internet. And as of yesterday, the true depth of my ridiculous paranoia has been revealed, through all of these stages of it I have already endured: I had a brief self-assessment wherein I tried to remember the last time I actually flirted with another human being, and I'm pretty sure accidentally grazing a stranger's butt with my backpack on the subway doesn't count. Hell yeah I'll fill out this questionnaire and reveal all my fragile hopes and dreams to the internet!Every inch you guys took on the internet was a mile for me, the Sandra Damn Dee of Twitter. Labs t-shirt from The Flash and also why I have an account on a dating site where a man has the username Just AReally Nice Guy3. ) Anyway, I am a grandma, so sometime around ten o'clock I decided I was going to bed and in the morning I'd feel less squirmy about everything. Trusting total strangers with the fact that you are upset about being single is its own very strange form of intimacy that happens the literal moment they swipe onto your profile, before they even read or look at anything. So yeah, I'm pretty sure my parents aren't super chill with the idea of me meeting men on the internet for kicks, but at the some point they're gonna remember that I'm their best chance for grandkids and me dying alone deeply hinders that. (Where are Just AReally Nice Guy1 and Just AReally Nice Guy2? And to someone as paranoid as me, it's the emotional equivalent of swinging the apartment door wide open and yelling, "HERE I AM, SERIAL KILLERS!"I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to almost everyone on staff at Bustle for mass texting my entry into the online dating world as if I were announcing my debutante ball. I have to do things, and then immediately seek the approval of other millennials for it to feel valid.I have the kind of face that says "Your mother didn't raise you this way, Timothy Bob Joe." But I am also somewhat prone to not getting creepers because I avoid internet dating like the damn plague.