Friends setting you up dating
Friends setting you up dating
They also make the mistake of being so OTT that they create expectations that they cannot deliver on.
While it is very flattering when someone says they love you immediately or makes you the centre of their universe immediately, the fact of the matter is that they don’t know you enough to be sincere about it. I’m not saying that you’re not a wonderful person, but aren’t we giving ourselves and them too much credit by believing that our libido, powers of judgement and observation and awareness of our own values are so powerful that we can tell immediately based on looks, sexual chemistry, penis size, words etc that we (or they) love someone? Well, we don’t like to appear to be spoil sports, many of us are not aware of the perils of red flags, and we second guess ourselves.Also don’t you remove the mystery and stuff to look forward to when you try to do it all very quickly? If you are being fast-forwarded you will miss crucial red flags that indicate that the relationship is unhealthy.Even without red flags, by Fast-Forwarding the relationship, you will both create great expectations that may stifle the relationship before it has a chance to prosper.Dating is a fact finding period where you should be discovering ‘facts’ that let you work out whether you can proceed, or whether you should be cautious, and/or abort the mission.If you love and trust blindly and get sucked into being moved along at high speed, you will be blind in the relationship when you actually have a responsibility to yourself to have your eyes open. Slowing down and actually getting to know each other at a healthier pace creates a connection.Why do you need to demand so much of the person and the relationship so early on? Isn’t this all a bit like an elaborate prank that goes way too far?
But for those of you who get swept up in someone’s tide, you can enjoy yourself but it’s time you became aware of red flags, boundaries, and matching actions with words.
In a startling number of stories, most of these people had some, if not a lot of reservations about the very person that was fast-forwarding them.
And let’s be real, it is flattering when someone seems to fancy the arse off us so much that they can’t seem to want to stop ripping off our clothes or saying we’re the best thing since sliced bread.
The relationships that survive (healthily) are ones where the two people have slowed down but are in essence still the same two people that met and there isn’t a dramatic shift in character and integrity.
Being confident in yourself is also about believing that there isn’t a fire – you can take enough time to get to know each other without rushing to get your pants down and make big declarations. People who tend to fast-forward can go through their cycle in a few hours (ever met an intense person online who sent you several emails, pestered you and then disappeared?
You should date with a reasonable level of trust as a basis and your interactions serve as a series of checks and balances.